What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 19:03
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Where's the Civil War everyone on the left said would happen?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She loved him until the end.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She found it foreign!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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I never cut or harmed myself..
He knew the spot.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
How would you feel if your girlfriend had dick pics on her phone?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why am I sweating so much when I try to do anything?
I waited trembling.
One cannot live in the past .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She married twice! .
I think the readers, may guess!
What habits do happy couples have?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What are the psychological reasons behind an extreme obsession with another human being?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Is the Shia claim true that Imam Ali was born inside the Kaaba?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I write beautiful poetry .
Can you name a female actress who has had bad timing or luck in her film career?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I don,t even have a pension.
All the time i was locked up.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was scared of men, in general
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I will be 64.
My family never makes their pension either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My life is so biszare .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When she asked me how she looked .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ive learnt so much.
She was in good health!
Why did i forgive my father ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were not on the streets..
Comes on , in middle age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I said to her
She wouldn,t have been !
So whats the point in blame.
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Put me off passion for life!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What did i know ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Who then, do I blame.?
But, we were locked up after school.
This is soul school!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So, i spoilt her more .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was 9 years of age.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It was going to be , some day.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)